


watch me dissolve

by eirvosol



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, F/F, Recreational Drug Use, kinda inspired by euphoria, sooyoung's kinda manic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 13:53:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20427050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eirvosol/pseuds/eirvosol
Summary: sooyoung can't stop and jungeun's tired of it.





	watch me dissolve

one, two, three, four, five, one, two, three, four, five.

step, step, step

wrist is itchy.

lights are too bright.

5:02 pm.

jungeun shouldn't be home for another hour.

bathroom.

left drawer.

top right corner hidden under the gauze.

there they are.

her antidepressants.

one or two?

three.

smash. cut. sniff. 

and there it is.

_euphoria_.

sooyoung lets herself slide down to the cold tile floor. lets the feeling of numb happiness take over.

her mind empties.

she's floating.

and there's nothingness.

the time passes.

its fading.

sooyoung's thoughts start to return little by little but she ignores it.

holds on to that feeling for as long as she can.

there's a noise in the background.

jungeun? 

sooyoung dismisses it.

she feels happy.

floating, floating, floating.

"soo?"

no, no, no.

it's disappearing.

"sooyoung!"

jungeun.

sooyoung's vision clears.

she turns her head.

jungeun's standing there at the bathroom door, eyes filled with worry, anger, and disappointment.

she's not floating anymore.

"j-jungeun?" 

"_what did you do?_"

jungeun's response is cold and hard and sooyoung feels herself curling up.

"i-i-" 

all she can do is stutter, disorientated and afraid. 

jungeun walks towards the bathroom counter and sees the lazily tossed gauze, the roughly sealed antidepressants, and the leftover residue of powder.

her fists clench. 

"you _promised_."

sooyoung feels her heart beating out of her chest. 

"jungeun, i-"

"you promised!"

jungeun's voice comes out sharp, border lining a yell. she spins around to face sooyoung. 

her face is curled up with emotion and sooyoung doesn't know what to say.

"i-i'm sorry. i won't do it again, baby."

jungeun stares at her, eyes suddenly freezing cold.

"no." she says, backing away from sooyoung.

"you don't get to do that, sooyoung." 

sooyoung sees tears forming in her eyes.

"you promised me you'd stop. you promised me you'd try."

sooyoung's standing now and tries reaching for jungeun but she recoils.

"why, sooyoung?"

she's shouting now.

sooyoung doesn't know what to say.

"why do you keep hurting us over and over?"

sooyoung doesn't know.

"sooyoung, _answer me_!"

sooyoung looks at jungeun and wants to die.

jungeun's face is red with anger, her eyes glossy with tears. her face is scrunched up in anguish and sooyoung doesn't know how to answer the damn question.

"to escape." sooyoung whispers, unsure of what to say.

"escape? escape what?" 

jungeun keeps getting louder.

"sooyoung, we were happy. we were fucking happy."

sooyoung's eyes are watering now.

"sooyoung,-"

she braces for the impact.

"you've ruined us."

it hurts.

"you've ruined everything, sooyoung."

fuck.

"all for some stupid 'escape'? what the fuck is wrong with you, sooyoung?"

sooyoung's crying.

"i'm sorry." she chokes out.

"sorry? what, like the last fifty times i've caught you?"

"jungeun, please."

"please, what?"

jungeun's voice is becoming shriller as her hysteria takes over.

"i'm trying to love you, sooyoung. i'm trying to be here for you but you keep fucking us over."

sooyoung's sobbing.

"please don't leave me."

it's all she can say.

"then, fucking make a decision and stick to it, sooyoung. do you want the drugs or do you want me?"

jungeun runs back to the counter.

she steps in front of sooyoung.

shoves the bottle of pills in sooyoung's hand.

"if you want to fucking overdose or whatever, go right ahead. just know, i'm not going to be here to walk in on you passed out again or worse, dead. i refuse to go through this over and over."

sooyoung's hand tightens around the plastic bottle.

"so, choose, sooyoung. me or your fucking escape."

sooyoung stares at jungeun, her mind torn into pieces, tears streaming down her face.

a beat passes.

jungeun cries out in anguish.

"are you fucking hesitating?"

jungeun turns away.

"i can't believe this," she whispers.

"jungeun-"

"sooyoung."

her voice is shaky.

"i can't do this anymore."

she grabs her purse and heads for the door. 

sooyoung can't move.

the door's opening.

_stop her, sooyoung, now!_

she can't.

"goodbye, sooyoung."

she see's a tear-streaked face and a flash of brown hair.

the door slams shut.

gone.

she's gone.

sooyoung crumbles to the floor.

it hurts.

it hurts so much.

she feels like she's sinking

her grip tightens around the pill bottle.

**Author's Note:**

> this is kinda crappy but i wanted to try a different writing style. also, i rlly wanted to write angst lol. feel free to leave feedback! i always appreciate learning ways i can improve my writing.
> 
> twt - @loser4haseul


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